Mummy Musing

Its over.

52 weeks of not going in to work is over.
52 weeks of not having to sprint for the 7.37am train is over.

52 weeks of spending my every waking moment with my little prince is over.
52 weeks of tending to his every need on demand is actually over.

Maternity leave is done.

On the whole, because I knew that this time would come, it isn’t too much of a shock. But it is hard.

I had my Baby Bee two weeks into maternity and spent 99.99% of the remaining 50 weeks with him. We created an amazing mother-son bond and I cant imagine my world without him.

Except, now, I go large chunks of my day away from him. I’m at work while he’s at nursery, having what looks like an amazing time (I get pictures of him via a pretty cool app). I spend my time wondering whether he enjoyed his lunch, or whether his milk was the right temperature. I worry whether he cried before he fell asleep or if he’s hot and needs his jumper taken off.

Its hard.

I almost didn’t come back to work, but, (bad mother guilt starting to kick in) when I pick him up at 6.10pm and he smiles at me, I know I have done him no harm.

I have seen such growth in him, He is much more social, more vocal and it turns out he is the life of the small people party (in my eyes anyway). He makes pictures using glue and tissue paper. He interacts with other little people and he actually likes them.

6 weeks into being back at work and I’m getting over the guilt of coming back  I’m not the first to do this and I definitely wont be the last.

How did you feel when you went back to work after maternity leave? Do you still feel those pangs of guilt?

While your here, please check out Honest Mums Blog. It’s pretty inspirational. And I’ve found some pretty cool posts by checking out the #brilliantblogposts hashtag on Twitter

Sig

6 thoughts on “Its over.”

  1. Ahh! It is sooo hard!! I couldn’t do it. A week before I was supposed to go back to work, I broke down and cried for three days and decided I would stay home. That was hard too. I lost my identity, I was now, Mom. It was worth it, but I compare my experience to my sweet daughter in law who bravely went back to work after six short weeks and I think both ways have their advantages, and disadvantages. She is so joyful of every moment, where I had a sense of doom sometimes thinking about if I was doing this Mom thing the correct way. She laughs at the hard times that made me break into a sweat. She cherishes the few hours that she gets to spend with her baby, I cherished a few hours too , but found it overwhelming sometimes.
    Great post. I enjoyed it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She is amazingly strong to have gone back after 6 weeks. I agree, both have their advantages and disadvantages. I’m happy to have gone back, but every now and then I get a pang of guilt. I’m glad you enjoyed the post, just a splurge of what’s on my mind.

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  2. One whole year off? You must not live in America… we’re lucky if we get two months-vag, three months-cesarean. But don’t get me started on that… For my last (second) child, also c-section, I only took two months because I was only paid 70% of my income while I was off–couldn’t afford any more time off. It was unfortunate and I felt too soon, but I don’t think our relationship has been hindered in any way. Now that I am back to work I spend four days with both kids (now 2.5yrs and 7mo) and I feel we have a very strong bond because of our time together. Work, for me, is a little break and time to myself with other adults so everyone benefits.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Loool, I’m in the UK. We are fortunate enough to have the opportunity of a year off. The pay differs depending on the workplace, some companies have amazing schemes, whilst my company gave the barest minimum. I agree with you, I think that a mother child relationship is hardly hindered depending on the amount of time you spend on maternity leave. Work is definitely a break for me too, some adult conversation and a hot cup of tea 🙂

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  3. Oh this made me feel so emotional because I can absolutely relate but you are right about combating the guilt because he’s having an amazing time at nursery, and you’ve both developed a strong bond with your time off. I felt lost as a freelancer on maternity leave, starting my blog and getting back on set as a director at the time helped me feel I had more normality and my identity slowly returned xx

    Liked by 1 person

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